Mr Ponting of Ponting Punting
Script
-If there are brackets round a line, this means that the line is slightly lacking clarity.
-- Enter RC. RB is behind a desk running from down right to up right.
RC: Good morning!
RB: Morning!
RC: My name is Starling.
RB: Mr Starling
RC: Of Starling Styling
RB: Mr Starling of Starling Styling
RC: Or of Stirling
RB: Oh, Mr Starling of Starling Styling Stirling. Wanting?
RC: Mr Ponting.
RB: Mr Ponting?
RC: Of Ponting Punting
RB: Oh, Mr Ponting of Ponting Punting. (Looks through files)
RC: Does their seem to be something wrong, then?
RB: Yes, I was just hunting for Ponting of Ponting Punting. We've got a Newing Brewing, or we've got a Gilling and Goring Drilling and Boring, or we've got a Delessing Delousing, or we've got a Manning Minning.
RC: Minning?
RB: Er, meaning Mining. (Man walks past them)
BOTH: Morning, morning.
MAN: Morning.
RB: But no sign of Ponting Punting.
RC: Erm, this is the Bailding Building?
RB: Yes, this is the Bailding Building, formerly the Fielding Wilding Bailding Building
RC: Fielding and Wilding?
RB: Yes, Fielding Moulding and Wilding Welding but what with Fielding folding and Wilding melding with Bailding has become a Bailding holding.
RC: And there is no Ponting Punting?
RB: No, we've got a Keeling and Greeling Wheeling and Dealing.
RC: I have a feeling there's a failing in your filing.
RB: But of course this is not the only Bailding Building. (Picks up a sign on the desk) We have branches in Barking, Dorking, Woking and in Epping, Wapping and Tooting.
RC: Don't I know it! I've been hunting Ponting Punting in every blinking Bailding Building standing!! (chuckles)
RB: Astounding!
RC: Hopping and skipping from Chipping to Epping, upping and epping and whipping through Wapping, shooting through Tooting, stealing through Ealing, backing to Barking, the parking in Barking is shocking, no joking. (Takes out pack of cigarettes)
RB: No smoking.
RC: You're better off parking and biking to Peking than banking on parking in Barking! (chuckles)
RB: I think so.
RC: Then making for Dorking, walking to Woking and riding in Reading.
RB: What about calling on Mr Carling of Carling Curling?
RC: What's Carling of Carling Curling got to do with Starling of Starling Stirling?
RB: (Well, or Mr Notting of Nutting and netting and nitting. I here they're knighting nutting.)
RC: Well, I don't care if they're knotting Mr Nutting in his own netting and knighting! He's got nothing I'm wanting! I'm wanting Ponting of Ponting Punting!!!!
RB: Well, I don't care if you're panting for Ponting of Ponting Punting!!! By keeping carping and blaming your flaming flim-flamming on our failing filing, you're heading for a hiding Starling old darling!! I could give you a stuffing, a roughing, a duffing-up and a cuffing as easy as winking. What are you thinking?
RC: I'm thinking you've been drinking!!
RB: (shutting files) This is my last warning!! (He hits RC on the head with the file).
RC (leaves): Morning!!!
